


sex & magic

by mitigates



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Choking, Fluff and Angst, Forensic Pathologist Iwaizumi, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Happy Halloween?, Implied Sexual Content, Just not....alive, M/M, MCD but mostly not really, Magic AU, Magic Suga, Maid Hinata, Mentions of eating brains, Office Sex, Platonic Cuddling, Police Captain Daichi, Rough Sex, Servant Kageyama, Supportive boyfriend Daichi, Supportive boyfriend Iwaizumi, They stay alive, also sex, and body parts, and skin, face fucking, gagging, human sacrifices, magic oikawa, mentioned character deaths, submissive behavior, the actual character deaths are minor characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:33:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27362032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitigates/pseuds/mitigates
Summary: Koushi pinched his cheek, earning a low groan from the drugged boy. “He’s super cute. What did we need from him again?”Tooru skipped toward the thick book lying on the floor. He squatted down in front of it to scan it. “Just… his spleen, one lung and just a piece of a kidney. Or maybe a whole kidney! Have you ever had them blended with mango? So good. They’re kind of bitter on their own so blending it with something sweet is so yummy.” Tooru stood and smiled at Aoi as his eyes fluttered open. “You’re awake!”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 76





	sex & magic

**Author's Note:**

> hi all. tbh i was inspired by two pieces of fanart that i'll link below. this is just self-gratifying love and sex and magic featuring my favorite friendship: oikawa and suga. changing this from chaptered to a one-shot, it was how i originally planned it anyway
> 
> convince me they wouldn't dominate the world...I'll wait.
> 
> two of my fave fanarts. the inspo struck. they're my boys.  
> [ Bokutokay ♥ ](https://www.instagram.com/p/CFqcl44g7o0/)  
> [ DahliaDenoire ](https://www.instagram.com/p/CDMXnbVlrt0/)

The dark wooden door flung open, revealing an ashen-haired man in the pale moonlight. He waited on the porch with a relaxed demeanor and a plastic bag intertwined in his fingers.0

“Did you get it? Did you get it? Please tell me you got it.” Tooru whined, his eyes wide with excitement and hopefulness. 

Koushi chuckled and held up the dark plastic bag, grinning from ear to ear. “I got it.”

Tooru yelped excitedly and yanked Koushi off of the porch and into his house. He clapped his hands together and waved toward the kitchen. “I’m set up downstairs, did you want anything specific to drink before we go down?”

“Wine?” Koushi noticed the light stain on Tooru’s lips and wasn’t sure if it was lipgloss or a lightly colored beverage.

“It’s downstairs already, Koushi, who do you think I am?” Tooru asked with a wink.

Koushi laughed again. He sometimes forgot that despite his slightly sadistic nature, Tooru was a bit of a wine-drinking-yoga-doing-SUV-driving-snack-carrying-mom-voice-having soccer mom in disguise. It was incredibly entertaining for anybody who actually knew him. Even if the snacks were frozen severed fingers and dehydrated brain matter (seriously, it tasted just like jerky!). He followed Tooru down into the den where the lights were dimmed and candles set the mood. He noticed a slowly breathing body in the corner. “Who do you have down here tonight?”

Tooru groaned. “Nobody special. I wasn’t able to go hunting this week. It’s just some pretty boy named Aoi that I found. He was so easy, Kou, it wasn’t even fun.” Tooru pouted as he pointed at the altar in the corner where the boy was bound and gagged. 

Koushi frowned at him, he could smell how submissive he was, he had no doubt that Tooru didn’t have to do much to get Aoi to come with him. “What’s his last name?”

“Something -kawa, it’s the only part I remembered.”

Koushi snorted. “Of course it is, you narcissistic fuck.”

“Himekawa! Aoi Himekawa! I saw it on his license.” Tooru snapped his fingers as he remembered, paying no mind to Koushi’s comment. “He’s cute, right?”

Koushi pinched his cheek, earning a low groan from the drugged boy. “He’s super cute. What did we need from him again? Wait- Hime _ kawa _ ? What’s going on?”

Tooru dismissed his concern with the wave of his hand. “They’re all connected, I have evidence.” Tooru skipped toward the thick book lying on the floor. He squatted down in front of it to scan it. “Just… his spleen, one lung and just a piece of a kidney. Or maybe a whole kidney! Have you ever had them blended with mango? So good. They’re kind of bitter on their own so blending it with something sweet is so yummy.” Tooru stood and smiled at Aoi as his eyes fluttered open. “You’re awake!”

Koushi glanced at him and pinched his cheek again. “Hi, cuteness. How are we today?”

“W...wh-at-” Aoi blinked back into consciousness and took in the scene around him. He tried to move but Tooru had become quite the expert in knot tying after enslaving a member of the International Guild of Knot Tyers (oh yes, that  _ is _ a thing). 

“You don’t have to stay conscious. There’s some myth that says your fear will make everything taste better but that really isn’t true.” Tooru explained as he picked up a scalpel. They had recently graduated from knives after Koushi brought Tooru a surgeon.

“It’s true.” Koushi shrugged. He reached for the wine bottle on the table beside him and glared at it. “Tooru...what the fuck is this?”

Tooru blinked innocently. “What’s what?”

Koushi held the wine bottle out toward him. “ _ Barefoot _ ? Pink Moscato? You cheap bitch!”

Tooru whined loudly, wringing his hands out. “I was at Target with Iwa-chan and he was in a hurry! I told him to just grab something pretty.”

Koushi groaned. “Something needs to be said about his taste and that something is not nice!” He poured himself a glass and ignored Tooru’s empty one. He swallowed the bitter pink liquid and cringed. “I hate you right now.” He pressed his fingers into his eyes.

Tooru grinned. “You do not. Come on, let’s get this over with. The guys will be home in an hour.”

Koushi picked up a second scalpel and started to cut. “Wait- wait-” He pulled his arm back. “We don’t need any blood?”

“Nope, we are still stocked up from that last girl. My fridge is really full.”

“Nice!” Koushi grinned as he plunged the knife into Aoi’s brachial artery. They waited a moment as the boy spasmed, coughed, gagged, and passed out. 

Tooru looked over to examine the wound. “Koushi! Have you been practicing?”

Koushi blushed and smiled sheepishly. “I have. It’s good, right?”

“It’s beautiful, you didn’t waste a single drop.”

Koushi preened under Tooru’s praise. He motioned toward Tooru’s unused scalpel. “Your turn!”

Tooru bowed slightly and pulled out a plastic tupperware. Koushi gazed at them. “Are those new?”

Tooru nodded. “Target, Koushi, I’m telling you.” Tooru pressed into Aoi’s skin, making a clean incision to the side of his sternum. “They even match these new wooden utensils Iwa-chan got me. They’re all the same color and they weren’t even a set!” After a minute of searching, Tooru removed his spleen, placing it in one of the tupperware.

“I guess I can go. You can come with me! Daichi always wants to go to IKEA and Jesus fuck, I am so sick of building things.” Koushi complained as he set the tupperware near the book behind them. 

Tooru located his lungs next after widening the incision. He squinted as he made the cut, removing one lung. Koushi studied his face.

“Where are your glasses?”

“There all the way upstairs!”

“Aren’t you like...blind?”

“I’m not  _ that _ blind, fuck you.” Tooru spat without much venom. He motioned toward the second tupperware and placed the lung in it carefully. “Kidneys, please!”

Koushi started setting up the ritual. “Which one did you want to do tonight again?”

Tooru brought the chopped kidney over and sat down next to Koushi. “Just the one for luck. Iwa-chan has been a little down lately after getting passed over for a promotion that he  _ really _ deserved. I should have cursed that man but I didn’t want Iwa-chan getting the wrong idea.”

“Can we add Daichi in too? He’s been so good to me lately!”

Tooru nodded. “Of course we can. Did you bring something of his?”

Koushi pulled a tie out of the pocket of his jeans. “Yes! This disgusting tie that he should never be allowed to wear again. I’ll tell him I lost it in the laundry.”

Tooru started giggling over his fourth glass of wine. He pulled out an equally horrendous tie. “Iwa-chan too! They must shop together, I swear. These are heinous. If I could cry, these would definitely make me cry...probably tears of blood or something.”

Koushi bobbed his head in agreement. “Fucking  _ ugly _ . I told you- his taste-” Koushi clicked his tongue and shook his head as he flipped to the correct page in the book. “Ah, here we go!”

The ritual was short, the organs disappearing as sacrifices of sustenance. A few latin words here, a few hand gestures here, and luck would be bestowed on both of their boyfriends.

Tooru handed Koushi the last gulp of wine and gathered their dirtied supplies. “Let’s clean up before the guys get-” A door closing upstairs alerted them to their respective boyfriends coming home early for once in their lives.

“Ah shit.” Koushi cursed. He peered at Tooru who was biting his lip as he looked up the stairs toward the door. “Did you lock-”

The door flung open and answered Koushi’s unasked question. 

“You guys down here?” Daichi’s baritone voice rang out as two pairs of feet descended the stairs.

They stopped at the end of the stairs and gaped at the scene in front of them. Tooru had several blood smears on his cheek from his unreal lack of hygiene when he was working. Even though he couldn’t physically get sick, he could at least wash his hands. Koushi had blood smeared across his shirt from when he was too busy admiring the soft color of the tupperware to notice he was mishandling the lung. It sloshed to the side of the plastic bowl and painted a streak of red across a cream colored shirt that he probably shouldn’t have worn. It was one of his favorites and made his skin look really nice!

  
  
  


“Why are you two so fucking messy?” Hajime chastised. 

“ _ Iwa-chaaaaan _ !” Tooru wailed as he ran toward the glowering man.

Hajime held a hand up and caught Tooru by his forehead, holding him back. “Not until you shower.” Tooru stuck his lower lip out more than should be humanly possible, his eyes mimicking that of a small anime girl. Hajime rolled his eyes and pulled a bag out of his pocket. 

Tooru inhaled deeply and grinned. “Is that- is that- oh goodness, Hajime, did you bring me treats?”

Hajime worked as a forensic pathologist and liked to bring Tooru home samples whenever he could (which was usually daily because he loved nothing more than the ecstatic look on Tooru’s face when he knew there was a treat all wrapped up and waiting for him). That day, he had perfectly sliced pieces of an arm that were from a murderer (Tooru had a thing for the flesh of killers). Tooru greedily tore open the bag and devoured the first piece with a groan. 

“I  _ loooove _ you, Iwa-chan!” He hurried over to where Koushi had begun cleaning blood spatters from the floor. “Koushi, try this! It’s so good.” 

Daichi and Hajime watched as Koushi and Tooru drank their $6 wine and ate the raw slices of epidermis. Koushi insisted they were better raw, human sushi if you will. Tooru liked to turn his into stir fry or throw in an omelette. 

Daichi glanced at the lifeless body still tied to the chair. “And that is?”

Koushi startled for a moment, seemingly having forgotten it wasn’t just the four of them. “Oh! Yes. That’s Aoi Himekawa.”

“Hime _ kawa _ ?” Hajime peered at Tooru who was lewdly licking his fingers. Tooru froze and guilt washed over his face.”Is there a pattern going on here or something?”

“It isn’t what it seems like!” Tooru defended immediately.

“So Hime _ kawa _ and that Mi _ kawa _ guy from last week and the Kuro _ kawa _ from the week before, these aren’t related and some kind of vendetta?” Daichi asked, putting together the same pieces that Hajime already had. Daichi was a detective, through and through. He crossed his arms and put on his stern bad cop face that Koushi preferred to see behind closed doors.

Tooru’s lip quivered. “Wait! No- it isn’t! I promise. I told you we would behave and we are. All of the Kawa’s, except yours truly, were shit! They were working together. Granted, I only had proof at first for Kurokawa but he led me to Mikawa who led me to his partner in crime here. It was just a happy coincidence.”

Neither Daichi or Hajime looked impressed (or trusting).

“I have proof. Promise.”

That they did trust. Tooru always kept proof.

When Hajime and Daichi initially found out what their boyfriends were (to that day they still weren’t completely sure but they were definitely demonic): the human sacrificers were in deep shit. They were each on the verge of being found out if not for the fast acting of one pathologist and one detective. Daichi fell in love with Koushi the moment they met and he knew he would do anything to keep him safe even if it meant breaking the law he was sworn to uphold. Tooru got under Hajime’s skin enough to leave a long lasting effect on him that had him faking paperwork, changing obvious murders to blatant suicides. He had the experience to do so. After having a stern talking to, Koushi and Tooru continued their hunting, albeit in a slightly different way. They were originally just maiming people and barely getting by. They finally went feral and killed three people who were assaulting somebody in an alley. The guy who was being assaulted ended up dying as well so they took all four of them home to carve up and stuff into their blenders and freezers. 

Hajime and Daichi decided to help them the only way they knew how: Koushi and Tooru would just have to become vigilantes. They had all seen enough episodes of Dexter to realize that was really their best option if they wanted to keep the two young men under the radar. 

That was all 9 years ago.

Fast forward and they were all happily living together at the ripe age of 29 (though were Koushi and Tooru  _ really  _ 29?), sharing rent, bodily fluids (as in sex but between the respective couples of course, except that one night where Hajime got  _ really _ drunk and made a move on Daichi- but they don’t talk about that), and recipes for human and non-human centered dishes. It worked out quite well.

  
  


Tooru rocked back onto his heels and stared up at Hajime. “Please.” He whispered the words.

Hajime didn’t move, didn’t make a sound, he simply stared down at Tooru.

Tooru whined audibly. “Hajime, please- please, please-”

“Please  _ what _ ?” Hajime asked.

“ _ Please _ fuck my mouth until I can taste your cum dripping down my throat.” Tooru’s smile was as angelic as his words were sinful. And he knew it.

Hajime tried not to shudder at Tooru’s words but his body betrayed him, a thick drop of precum leaked out of his twitching cock. Tooru made a movement to look at the darkening mark that showed even through his jeans but Hajime clicked his teeth. “Eyes on me.”

Tooru whined. “You’re being really mean tonight.”

Hajime snorted and rolled his eyes. “You’re such a baby.” He pressed the balls of his feet against Tooru’s clothed erection, curling his toes. Tooru tried to keep his composure but he was never any good at it. He bit the inside of his lip and groaned. “Whiny baby.” He tossed Tooru a black tube. “Put this on.”

Tooru eagerly picked up the tube and twisted it open. “Is there a-”

Hajime held a mirror up, watching as Tooru applied the mascara to his already thick lashes. If someone looked into their relationship they might see Tooru as the one who ran the relationship simply because he was the all powerful possibly immortal and definitely deviant one of the two, but Hajime knew exactly how to bring him to his knees: literally.

“Do you deserve anything from me right now?” Hajime asked as he pushed his foot harder into Tooru’s crotch. “You fucked up, yet again, and Daichi and I had to clean up after you two, yet again.”

“Why isn’t- why- why isn’t Koushi-” Tooru couldn’t string a full sentence together. His eyes were screwed shut and his face was flushed, his hands dutifully plastered to his thighs. 

“Oh, don’t you worry about him. If you listen closely, you can hear his cries.” Hajime enunciated the words with another press of his foot. Tooru was straining against him.

“Ha-hajime,  _ please _ -” At Tooru’s whispers of desperation, Hajime’s body moved forward as if it was yanked by some unseen force. Tooru’s eyes widened in an unspoken apology.

Hajime narrowed his eyes and stood, the bulge in his jeans brushing against Tooru’s face from how closely the latter had telekinetically pulled him. He looked down at Tooru and waved at the beautiful brown-haired man on his knees. “Well, go ahead.”

Tooru yanked on the hem on Hajime’s jeans so quickly that the button popped off. Hajime sighed as Tooru pulled the zipper down, his sometimes overwhelming strength getting the best of him. Hajime’s jeans ripped right in half, torn down the middle. Tooru bit his lip slightly, staring down at the shredded jeans for a moment then looking back up at his boyfriend. Hajime was rubbing his eyes in a clear statement of ‘ _ why do I do anything nice for you’ _ .

“I’m-”

“Don’t.” Hajime muttered. “Just get to it already.” Tooru reached for his boxers. “Don’t rip my fucking boxers, Tooru, I swear to all the Gods.”

Tooru slowly pulled Hajime’s briefs down, licking his lips as Hajime’s erection sprung free. Tooru immediately leaned forward, bringing a hand up. Hajime smacked it away and Tooru pouted.

“No hands.”

Tooru huffed and wrapped his mouth around Hajime’s head, sucking hard enough to make the other man groan. Hajime rested one of his hands on Tooru’s head, gently guiding him as he swirled his tongue the way Hajime liked it. He resisted the urge to buck his hips and give in to Tooru and what he wanted. He knew  _ exactly _ what Tooru wanted and how he wanted it. He was seconds away from making it happen.

Until he felt the same unseen force yanked his shirt up. “ _ Tooru _ !” Hajime scolded with a growl. “Fucking quit it.”

Tooru hummed in apology and the vibrations made Hajime tug on his hair, pulling him off of his cock. “ _ You are not behaving _ .”

Tooru scoffed indignantly as if there weren’t already tears forming beneath his lashes. “Do you even  _ want _ me to behave?” Tooru’s tone made Hajime blink in response. “I don’t think you do.” Tooru wiped a line of spit from the corner of his mouth and reached for his boyfriend’s dripping dick. Tooru looked up at Hajime again but retreated into himself slightly when he saw the fire in his eyes.

“So. Fucking. Annoying.” Hajime yanked Tooru’s hair again, earning a surprised gasp, and he shoved back inside of his mouth without giving Tooru a chance to think. Hajime eyed the bulge in Tooru’s throat that he created. He pulled out slowly, let Tooru choke in a breath, then started fucking his mouth. Tooru was mumbling incoherently but Hajime didn’t care, the vibrations from his stuttered broken words felt fucking great. Hajime gripped Tooru’s hair tighter and moved his hips faster. Tooru’s eyes rolled back as he gasped for air around Hajime’s cock, unable to take in full breath. He resorted to heavily breathing through his nose as he had learned to do. He gagged and Hajime pulled back.

“Already?” Hajime sounded disappointed and Tooru emitted a low whine. Tooru was already leaning forward, begging for more. Hajime smirked and gave it to him. He gagged again and Hajime sighed as he pulled out. “Get on the bed.”

Tooru quickly scrambled to his feet and laid on the bed.

“No. Turn around.”

Tooru rolled onto his stomach, confused.

Hajime growled and gripped Tooru’s thigh roughly, his other hand grabbing the back of Tooru’s neck. Hajime flipped him around so he was on his back, his head hanging over the edge of the bed. Hajime was glad that they chose a higher bed as it left Tooru at the perfect angle. He stared down at his gorgeous boyfriend and wiped a stray tear, 

“No hands. Don’t gag again.”

Tooru nodded, his eyes wide and glassy and apologetic and excited.

All of that vanished as Hajime placed his thumb on Tooru’s top lip. Tooru let his mouth fall open. Hajime slid two of his fingers inside Tooru’s mouth, the soft pads of each digit brushing against the roof of his mouth. Tooru closed his mouth and sucked, coating them in saliva as he slurped and moaned. 

“Open up.” Hajime coaxed his cock back into Tooru’s mouth, slowly. “I’m not going to be nice right now, okay?” Tooru nodded. “Open your eyes, I need to know you understand.”

“Allndrsnd-” Tooru mumbled, blinking through the tears that were continuing to form.

Hajime didn’t wait another second. He pushed into Tooru’s mouth, past his gag reflex, and down his throat. He gripped that silky chestnut hair and thrust. Tooru accepted every inch, he took it like an absolute champ. Hajime was thankful he had him put on the mascara because the harder he thrusted, the more Tooru cried, the more the makeup ran down his face. He had thick black smudges around his eyes from squeezing his eyes shut, the corners of his eyes were disgustingly dark, smeared with makeup and already drying tears.

Hajime rolled his head back and groaned loudly. “Hands, Tooru-”

Tooru’s hands flew backward and dug his fingers into one thigh and wrapped his other hand around the base of Hajime’s cock. He swallowed and his throat constricted around Hajime, earning another groan. 

“Fuck- you take it so well. Fuck- I’m-” Hajime barely had a chance to warn Tooru before he spilled down his throat, slowly the sloppy movement of his hips. Tooru gasped in a breath as Hajime pulled out, gulping in breaths of air. 

Hajime squatted down to give his trembling legs a break and also to press his lips against Tooru’s forehead. “I love you.”

Tooru hummed in response, closing his eyes and smiling.

“Do you want me to-”

Tooru suddenly sat up, nearly headbutting Hajime in the process. He shook his head and tried to speak but his throat felt raw.

Hajime snorted. “You came? From that?”

Tooru whined and coughed a few times. He made grabby-hands toward Hajime who rolled his eyes but picked him up, taking him toward the shower. “I’ll make you some tea after.” He kissed Tooru’s temple and turned on the shower. “Baby.”

  
  


“Ow, Daichi, fuck!” Koushi yelped as his face was shoved into the wall.

“It doesn’t hurt, Koushi. I know it doesn’t. You’re both fuckin’ babies.” Daichi muttered against Koushi’s neck as he snapped his hips. He could hear Tooru whining from the room next door and assumed Hajime was as annoyed as he was.

“It’s- fuck- it’s the- fucking- damn- it’s the- the principle!” Koushi grunted and tried to push back but it was fruitless, Daichi had at least 20 pounds of solid muscle on him.

Daichi pushed harder on Koushi’s face, smirking as his cheeks were too squished to continue speaking. He thrust his hips faster, grinding against Koushi’s handprint painted ass. Koushi started muttering and mumbling nonsense so Daichi pressed on, his thighs smacking against Koushi’s harder each time.

So what if Daichi’s idea of punishment was Koushi’s idea of a good time?

They meshed well.

  
  


Tooru was sipping hot tea and leaning against the counter when Koushi came limping out of his bedroom around 2 am. The collar of his shirt was stretched out beyond repair from Daichi yanking on it. He was clad in the ruined shirt and boxers, clutching his hip as he waddled into the kitchen. He threw a glare at Tooru.

“Don’t say a fucking word.” Koushi grumbled as he read for an ice pack out of the freezer.

Tooru simply hummed in response.

Koushi raised an eyebrow as he started arranging the ice pack on a chair. “No teasing? Nothing?” Tooru shook his head, not making eye contact. Koushi snorted. “You can’t even talk, can you?”

Tooru threw an orange at Koushi’s head. “F-uck-y-” Tooru rasped the words out and settled for a middle finger instead. He went back to sipping his tea as Koushi started giggling obnoxiously. Tooru started coughing and choking when Koushi yelped as he sat down. 

A very sleepy Hajime stomped into the kitchen to see a melting ice pack on the floor, tea spilled on the counter, and his boyfriend straddling his roommate’s boyfriend. He glared at the two of them. “Shut the fuck up!”

“Iwa- agh-” Tooru started another coughing fit on top of a wriggling Koushi. 

“Get the fuck off me you behemoth!” 

Tooru flicked his forehead and was pushed to the floor. Tooru started pouting again when he realized Hajime went to sleep with Daichi.

“Your boyfriend took my boyfriend.” Koush voiced for the two of them.

Perhaps the most annoying part of whatever Koushi and Tooru dealt with was the insomnia. They slept two sometimes one night a week, they rarely needed more than that. Daichi and Hajime were used to them being up all hours of the night and they didn’t really care unless the other two were goofing off loud enough to wake them...which they did at least once a week. Hajime would end up locking himself inside Daichi’s room because Daichi was a living heater and he could fall back asleep in seconds. Tooru and Koushi would end up clinging to each other for warmth under at least 4 different blankets.

Tooru picked up Koushi’s ice pack and motioned for the white-haired man to follow him. “C’m c’ddle.” He cleared his throat softly.

“Let me make you a new cup first, I’ll come in. Set up a movie or something.” Koushi was already reaching for Tooru’s favorite tea.

  
  


Daichi stretched his arm over Koushi’s waist and started to pull him closer. He stopped suddenly, running his hand across the expanse of Koushi’s chest.

“I locked them out. They’re annoying as fuck and loud as fuck and I have to be up early.”

Daichi snorted at Hajime’s tired grumbling. He squeezed Hajime and scooted closer to him anyway. “You got that right.”

Koushi was already keeping tabs on their next victim. They only really needed to eat every couple of days, they could stretch it to twice a week if there was any kind of suspicious thrown their way. However, Daichi and Hajime made sure that never happened. The boys were very well taken care of.

Koushi set his book down and sighed. He had been waiting patiently for the younger man to come near him. He noticed the boy eyeing him the moment he walked in. He knew exactly which spell he wanted to cast next.

**_The Mindless_ **

**_Need:_ **

**_Hexed blade_ ** (check)

**_Braincell lacking body_ **

**_Three cloves_ ** (check)

**_1 cup of lavender epsom salts_ ** (check)

**_Pine oil_ ** (check)

Koushi glanced up from his crudely written list and studied the dark-haired boy that he had been following for days and he definitely lacked several brain cells. He was going to be perfect. He didn’t seem to have many friends or any family, he had a job at a big box retail store that nobody would ever notice he didn’t show up to. He was  _ perfect _ . Koushi finally caught his eye and winked at him. He left the large bookstore before the raven-haired boy had a chance to talk to him, making sure they weren’t seen on any cameras together.

He was easy enough to get home, even easier to get down into their den. Koushi didn’t even have to drug him. He almost felt bad at one point.

Or he would have felt bad if he didn’t already know that the braincell missing boy used his wiles to murder three people. He sucked them in under a disgustingly fake guise of friendship and slit their throats.

One.

By.

One.

Koushi saw the feral look in his eyes before, during, and after the kill. He watched as he cut up and disposed of the bodies, shattering bones with his bare hands and sawing through skin with a blade he kept on him at all times. It was unnerving how calm he was. Koushi knew he would be perfect for what they were looking for. He also knew that he was just the boys type, yet another reason the boy was following him. The only off putting part was that the boy was younger, no more than 18, but a killer was a killer.

The boy followed Koushi out of the store and down the street, keeping a distance that was far enough that anybody besides Koushi wouldn’t realize they were being followed. Koushi led him toward a part of the park near his house that he knew was empty most nights. 

Koushi felt the blade against his throat before he heard the boy's footsteps.

“Don’t scream.”

Koushi smirked. “I won’t.” He turned slightly to catch the boy's eye. “Can you please not scream either? It’s annoying.” Koushi whispered  _ somnum _ and caught the boy as he fell. He picked up the knife that had clattered to the concrete and pulled his phone out. He brushed the boys dark bangs out of his eyes and frowned. “Stupid kid.”

“Ya-hoo, Koushi! Where are you?”

“I got him. Meet me in our spot.”

Tooru squealed. “I’ll be there in two minutes!”

  
  


Tooru glared at the boy's unmoving body. “Are you sure he will work?”

Koushi nodded. “Yes, now grab his head.”

“Why do I always have to take the head? Upper bodies are so heavy!” Tooru whined. 

Koushi pulled his leg back and kicked Tooru in the shin. “Let’s go!”

  
  


The older two apparated into the night, making their way into their den. They dragged the boy into the middle of the floor where Tooru had already drawn a magic circle. Tooru leaned toward him and whispered  _ surgit _ . The boy’s eyes popped up, that feral look bringing them back to life. He patted his pockets for his knife but came up empty.

“Looking for this?” Koushi asked as he twirled the small switchblade between his fingers.

The boy tried to reach for it but once one was inside the circle, there was no coming out of it. 

“What’s your name?” Tooru asked as he glared at the boy, sizing him up.

“Tobio Kageyama.” The boy spat.

“You’re a rude little thing, aren’t you?” Tooru scrunched up his nose. “Are you sure, Kou?”

Koushi nodded. “I’m positive. He’s perfect.” He gathered the ingredients that they needed a mixed them into a bowl. He glanced down at the bowl then back up at Tooru. “Target?”

Tooru peered over at the bowl. “Oh, no! Those are new, I got them from Macy’s. They’re practically all out of business now so they were super cheap! They’re nice, huh?”

Koushi hummed. “They’re pretty.”

Tobio scoffed and the two older men turned to look at him. “Are you seriously fucking talking about  _ bowls _ ?”

“Yes, Tobio. Mind your manners. Jeeze. I’m so glad this takes away your ability to be a little shit.” Tooru murmured as he thumbed through their book.

Koushi giggled. “Daichi and Hajime are going to love this. This is genius!”

“Our best idea yet.” Tooru agree.

Koushi grinded the salts and oils together, adding the cloves last. “Ready!”

“Okay Tobio, I’m going to rub this in your hair and then we are all done.” Tooru scooped the mixture out of the bowl and walked toward Tobio.

“You are  _ not _ getting anywhere near me. I will gut you.” Tobio scrambled to a standing position. 

Tooru gasped, holding a hand over his chest. “You’ll  _ gut _ me? Goodness, Tobio, were you raised by wolves? That’s barbaric as fuck!”

Koushi giggled and moved behind Tobio before he realized what was happening. He gripped the boys shoulders roughly and yanked him down until he was kneeling.

Tobio’s eyes wildly scanned the room. “What- what- what the fuck- how did you? You’re so fast. What- what are you?”

Tooru smiled in his own maniacal way and plopped the oily goop on Tobio’s head. “Your new masters,Tobio. Now stop moving.”

  
  


Koushi and Tooru were sitting in the living room sharing a bowl of cut up fruit when Daichi and Hajime came home. They were each greeted with a light kiss and a ‘how was your day’. Hajime was ready to start an actual conversation when he began looking around the house.

“Shit.” He breathed.

Daichi looked up and also examined the living room. “Holy fuck.”

Tooru and Koushi grinned at each other.

“How is it so spotless here?” Daichi asked, glancing between the other two.

Hajime narrowed his eyes slightly. “You two don’t clean.” 

“Sir Oikawa, Sir Sugawara, did you want some juice? I-” Tobio stopped at the entryway into the living room. Hajime was standing in front of Tooru, ready to fight, and Daichi had pulled his gun out to protect Koushi. 

“Hey, hey, hey! It’s just Tobio!” Koushi kicked the back of Daichi’s leg. 

Daichi slowly lowered his gun. “Are we supposed to know what the fuck that means?”

Hajime flicked Tooru’s forehead. “Who is he?”

“Our new maid!” Tooru announced, clasping his hands together. “It’s genius, right? We just took away his free will. He’s like a Sim.”

“A Sim?” Hajime asked.

“Yes, a Sim, like  _ The _ Sims. Get cultured, swine.” Koushi responded. 

Hajime sighed and turned away. “I’m going to go shower.”

Daichi also resigned from addressing whatever their partners had done further. 

Tobio frowned. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no. They’re just sensitive.” Koushi waved the boy away and he disappeared back into the kitchen. 

He poked his head back out a moment later. “What would you like for dinner?”

Koushi and Tooru glanced at each other and shrugged. 

“Agedashi tofu.”

“Ramen.”

Koushi smirked. He knew they’d enjoy the gift.

Tobio was basically a robot now. Koushi and Tooru could give him upgrades when it came to knowledge, cooking, cleaning, massage therapy- whatever they wanted. He no longer had any free will or a strive to have any free will. He was going to be the perfect maid!

  
  


Tooru was sitting in the living room watching Hajime watch Tobio. Tooru was glaring and Hajime didn’t have the slightest idea of what was going on behind him.

Koushi nudged his shoulder. “Chill out.”

“I am chill.”

“I can smell how annoyed you are. You’re also bending the pan that you’re holding.”

Tooru glanced down at the stainless steel pan he was putting into the sink and realized it was irreparably bent. He could break it, but he would have to put in actual effort to fix it. He sighed and tossed it into the trash can. The noise alerted Hajime to his presence and he turned around with a smile but Tooru was already heading into his bedroom. Koushi shook his head at the retreating figure.

“Tobio, go give Daichi a massage.” Koushi pointed to his bedroom and Tobio obediently went in.

Hajime’s ears were red by the time Koushi approached him. “What’s going on?”

Hajime cleared his throat. “What do you mean?”

“You aren’t even making eye contact. Dammit, Hajime! He’s really good and you’re what…  _ crushing on him _ ?” Koushi snapped.

Hajime’s jaw dropped. “What? I am not!”

“You do realize Tooru has been sitting in the kitchen watching you eye-fuck our little maid?”

Hajime’s entire face was red at that point. “I was NOT!”

Koushi giggled. “I know, I know. You don’t have eyes for anybody other than Tooru. He’s just a jealous freak who is probably going to off the boy before the night ends. Can you go convince him not to? He can cook better than any of us.” Koushi went back to find Daichi.

Hajime sighed and went searching for his boyfriend.

He found him stewing underneath a blanket, cocooned like a damn caterpillar. Tooru wasn’t a caterpillar, Tooru was a butterfly.

Hajime reached into the blanket and felt for his hair. “Tooru…”

“ _ Go away _ .”

Two simple words and Hajime was in the hallway again. He sighed angrily and pushed the door open again. “I’ve told you before not to use-”

“ _ Get out _ .”

Back in the hall.

Hajime kicked the door off of its hinges.

Tooru climbed out of his blanket nest and sat up in the bed. “What the fuck-”

“Come here.” Hajime stopped at the end of the bed.

“I said-”

“Tooru.  _ Now _ .” Hajime’s tone didn’t leave any room for arguing.

Tooru’s blood ran cold. He lifted himself full out of the blanket and kneeled at the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor. He wasn’t sure if he was more angry or sad or upset or ready to-

Hajime cupped both sides of his face and tilted his head to look upward. 

“You are the single most frustrating and annoying man I’ve ever met and I really do hope that one day you will grow up. Clearly that day is not today.” Tooru felt hot tears starting to form at Hajime’s words. “And I love you anyway. The- the kid, Tobio, he reminds me of-” Tooru blinked and realized that he wasn’t the only one crying.

Hajime had a younger brother. They were best friends. He was born when Hajime was 10 so Hajime always took care of him. When Hajime was 22 and his younger brother, Hiro, was 12: Hiro died. It was sudden and tragic and he was there one moment and the next morning, his body was cold and he didn’t wake up. Hiro’s death was part of the reason Hajime always had a soft spot for Tooru and Koushi after meeting the pair. Hiro’s death seemed supernatural and they would come to find that it was. He was cursed, the entire Iwaizumi line was. The second born in every other generation was destined to die when they were 12. Hajime’s uncle died at a young age, his great aunt did as well. 

Tooru and Koushi helped lift the curse. It wasn’t hard, Tooru and Koushi being as powerful as they were, they were able to lift it quite easily after doing some research. It didn’t necessarily matter either way though since Hajime had no plans to carry on the family name just in case. It helped that he was born with a liking toward the same sex. When Hajime found out Tooru was working with Suga to lift a curse that had nothing to do with them, he decided to enlist the help of his best friend who was on the police force. Daichi met Koushi next and their connection was instant. Tooru told Hajime once that Koushi hadn’t been with anybody before, he was too worried what would happen once they found out what he was. 

Daichi didn’t seem to care.

Tooru pulled Hajime into a hug, mumbling an apology against his neck. “‘M sorry ‘m crazy an’ jealous an’ too much sometimes.”

Hajime huffed out a laugh and wiped his face. “You’re just annoying. Nothing else.”

Tooru nodded and gently kissed his collarbone. “Can we do it now?”

Hajime shoved Tooru backwards and glared at him. “Seriously? Have you no self control?”

Tooru shrugged. “You know I don’t.”

Hajime rolled his eyes and yanked his shirt off, somehow always giving in.

  
  


“Nng… Mmmh… right there- right there… Ugh- harder, harder- yes, fuck!”

Koushi raised both eyebrows and peered over at Daichi. “You are  _ lewd _ , Sawamura. Absolutely lewd. I don’t think I can even get those sounds out of you.”

Daichi grunted in response and continued groaning as Tobio massaged the tension out of his back. Tobio pressed his thumbs into the space between Daichi’s shoulder blades, earning a low groan from the man. Koushi giggled and patted Tobio on the back. “Good job!”

Tooru had a plan for his next victim before Koushi had brought Tobio home. He figured Tobio might want a friend as well and they had plenty of space in their enormous 5 bedroom house. 

Tooru discovered another little psychopath around the same young age as Tobio. He ran a very secretive business where he owned a website dedicated to revenge porn. Revenge porn in itself might not be that bad (not warranting death anyway) but the young orange-haired boy also dabbled in collecting and then distributing snuff films. He would be the perfect friend for mindless little Tobio. 

Tooru followed him home one night to a zip code he had never step foot in and would never find himself in again, likely forgetting the entire experienced moments after leaving the area. The boy went straight to work. Tooru had hacked into his home network and had a program running that let him see exactly what the boy was up to.

At that moment, he was viewing a video recently sent by an angry boyfriend that consisted of him and two of his friends raping an unconscious girl. Said girl supposedly sent a naked picture to somebody who wasn’t her boyfriend and apparently that warranted the assault. Tooru glared as the boy laughed while watching it.

Tooru knocked lightly on his door and waited for him to answer it.

The boy grinned up at Tooru, a genuine wide smile on his face. “Hi!”

“Hi, little one. What’s your name?” Tooru leered in a charming way that only he could pull off.

“I’m Shouyou. You are?” 

“Tooru. I’m here to offer you a job. It includes room and board, you just have to say yes.”

“Yes.”

“It also- wait, what?” That was easy.

Shouyou shrugged. “I’m kind of bored if I’m being honest. I like to try new things.”

“Oh… well, I guess I don’t have to drug you then.” Tooru muttered as he stepped to the side in order to let Shouyou pass him.

Shouyou stepped into the hall then whirled toward Tooru. “Drug me? What?” He backed into the door, the look of fear that Tooru preferred taking over his facial expression.

“Yup,” Tooru responded, popping the ‘p’. “I have a new serum I wanted to try out and everything.” Tooru pouted.

“Wha-”

Tooru whispered a word and blew a puff of air into Shouyou’s face.

Then he caught the boy as he fell.

  
  


Tooru kept Shouyou in the den for a few days to let him suffer mentally for a bit before he started the ritual. He thumbed through his stack of worn out yellowed note cards until he found the spell he wanted. He and Koushi liked to use their grimoire most times but they also had spells the two of them had written together. They also kept spells on their phones, mostly healing ones that had too many ingredients to ever bother memorizing. 

He was reading the note card in front of him when Hajime leaned over his shoulder. “Another maid?”

“Yeah. I think I’m going to have Tobio around just for cooking. Shouyou would make an adorable maid. He’s a _very_ cute little ginger boy. Too young for me but he’s beyond cute.”

“What did he do?” Hajime asked, knowing Tooru always had his reasons.

“He was selling snuff films, posting revenge porn, probably just a couple of seconds away from making his own. They were nasty, Iwa-chan.” Tooru responded with a sullen look on his face. 

“Nasty?” Hajime scoffed. Tooru glared at him. “You had scrambled eggs for breakfast that you seasoned with dried  _ kidney _ .”

An offended gasp behind them tore their attention from each other. Koushi rushed toward the spice rack and scanned the contents. He picked up the offending empty bottle and held it up. Tooru did not meet his eyes. “You used the last of it?!” Koushi screeched.

Tooru whined. “Kouuuushiiiii! I was starving!”

Koushi hit Tooru directly in the middle of the forehead with the glass bottle. “You’re such a SHIT!” He began stomping away.

Tooru rubbed the beginnings of a bump on his head and frowned. “That really hurt. Wait, Kou!” Tooru wrapped his arms around Koushi’s waist, tightening his grip as Koushi started fighting against him. “I got you a present! Don’t leave, don’t be mad!”

“It better be a kidney. You know it takes four days to get that kind of flavor, Tooru!” Koushi said through gritted teeth.

“I mean, we can take a kidney if you want-”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “I’ll bring you some fucking kidneys. You’re such babies.” He downed the last of his coffee and grabbed him keys, leaving for work.

Koushi glowered at him before stiffening in Tooru’s choking grasp. “What is the present?”

Tooru released him and pumped a fist in the air. “To the den!”

  
  


Shouyou was sleeping soundly on the couch that he was tied to. 

Koushi motioned toward the boy. “You tied him to the  _ couch _ ?”

“He’s so cute, isn’t he? I didn’t want him to be too uncomfortable.” Tooru brushed hair from Shouyou’s eyes, causing the boy to stir. 

Shouyou stared up at Tooru, blinking rapidly. “What in the fuck-”

“Language!” Koushi sang from across the room as he sharpened his knife with another knife.

Shouyou dragged his eyes to the ashen-haired man, his mouth opening slightly in shock. “What is going on? Why am I here?”

Tooru grabbed Tobio by the hand and pointed at the floor in front of Shouyou. “Sit.” Tobio sat. “Tobio here needs a friend and I need a better maid. Tobio slacks off.”

Tobio glared but didn’t speak.

Koushi giggled. “It’ll be alright, little ginger. It doesn’t take long.”

Shouyou gulped loudly and glanced at Tobio who was still staring at him. “What are you going to do?”

“Just a little ritual. It doesn’t hurt much.”

“Much?” Shouyou swallowed loudly again. He peered at Tobio. “Does it...hurt?”

Tobio shrugged. “Yeah but not for that long. It’s kind of an out of body experience so you’re in pain but it’s not a lot of pain but not really a little either and I think-”

“Tobio?”

“Yes, Oikawa?”

“Shut up.” Tooru shook his head and patted Shoyou’s. “You’ll be fine. I’ll use an anesthetic.”

Tobio glared again. “How come he gets-”

Tooru smacked the back of his head. “Don’t question me, Tobio! You’re being rude in front of our guest.”

  
  


The ritual was over quickly and Shouyou strolled back into consciousness faster than Tobio had. He sat up quickly, grinning at the three men surrounding him. Tooru grinned back, earning a huff of laughter from Koushi.

“Shouyou~!” Tooru sang as he helped the boy up. He held out a pair of dark jeans and a dark t-shirt. “This is your uniform.”

Shouyou studied it, holding it up. “No maid outfit?”

Koushi snorted. “No, no. That’s part of Tooru’s personal collection.”

Tooru gasped in offense. “Don’t say such things around the children!”

“But I could hear you and Mr. Iwaizumi through the walls last night.” Tobio muttered.

Tooru turned on him, eyes blazing. “Why does he get the Mr title and I don’t?”

Koushi rolled his eyes. “ _ That  _ is what bothered you about that sentence?”

Tooru flipped him off and turned back to Shouyou. “I can’t wait for you to meet Hajime, he’s going to love you. Now, you two go play, Koushi and I have things to do!”

  
  


Tooru’s idea of things to do was going to bother Hajime at work. He dropped Koushi at the station to slide into the Captain’s office then made his way into the basement of the station to find his sunlight avoiding boyfriend.

He could hear him singing quietly in the empty hallway, his rich deep voice echoing and disturbing an otherwise quiet walk. Tooru smiled to himself and cracked the door open slowly. Hajime was leaning over a body, his hands deep inside of it, with his headphones on. 

_ You're perfectly wrong for me _

_ And that's why it's so hard to leave _

_ Yeah, you're perfectly wrong for me _

_ All the stars in the sky could see- _

Hajime happened to look up and catch Tooru’s eye.

_ How you’re perfectly wrong for me _

Tooru giggled as Hajime pulled his gloves off, tossed them into a wastebasket, then pulled his headphones out of his ears. He smiled at Tooru. 

“Hi, you.”

“Shawn Mendes?”

Hajime nodded fervently. “His stuff that doesn’t make it to the radio is greatly underappreciated.” 

Tooru smiled wider. “My favorite things about you are the unexpected ones.”

Hajime hummed and moved to wash his hands. “Like what, huh?”

Tooru pulled himself onto the counter, sitting next to the sink. He tapped his chin in thought. “I love that you have not worn a pair of matching socks since I met you. You think I don’t notice, but I do. Whenever you match your socks after laundry, you just put dress socks with other dress socks and ankle socks with other ankle socks. You do make sure that nobody can see them though, your pants are always long enough.” Tooru glanced at Hajime as he thoroughly washed his hands. The tips of his ears were bright red and Tooru bit his lip slightly. “I love that you started growing herbs in that little garden on your windowsill because you know how much I use them. I love that-”

“Oh God, shut up, Tooru. No more.” Hajime buried his face in Tooru’s neck and hugged him tightly. 

Tooru laughed and hugged him back. “You’re so easily flustered.” He reached his hand between them and untucked Hajime’s shirt.

Hajime jumped back, even more flustered. “How many- Tooru! How many times have I told you not at work!” Hajime fixed his shirt and adjusted his tie, turning back to the body on the table. “So annoying.” Hajime muttered as he snapped on a new pair of gloves. Without turning, he knew that Tooru was pouting. “I got you something. It’s in the fridge.”

Tooru’s eyes lit up and he was at the fridge in half a second. He was already drooling as he pulled out a bowl of tamago kake gohan that was seasoned with what smelled like fresh dried organ, several different ones if his nose was treating him right. “Iwa-chaaaaan~” Tooru sang across the pristinely cleaned room. 

Hajime smiled as he logged the last part of the autopsy he was conducting. He marked the cause of death, set aside Tooru and Koushi’s favorite organs, and put the body back into its metal box.

They talked, ate, and felt each other up until Hajime had to get back to work. 

Koushi, however, was not as easily deterred. Daichi didn’t mind as much when Koushi used his telekinesis, it made for some fun times when they were forced to sit across the table from each other. Koushi was sitting across the room from Daichi as Daichi stared at him with narrowed eyes, while he continued a very important phone call. 

“Yes, sir. Of course. I’ll make it my top- my top priority.” Daichi stuttered for a moment as he felt his tie starting to loosen. He glared harder at Koushi who had his eyes trained on his book, a small smirk on his face. He glanced up at Daichi as he turned the page in his novel.

Daichi grunted softly as his tie became completely undone. He reached to redo it and it flew across the room. A quiet laugh escaped from Koushi’s mouth as Daichi continued struggling through his phone call. 

“-mura? Sawamura? Captain?”

“Yes-yes-sir, yes. Sorry, the connection went weird for a moment.” Daichi cleared his throat loudly and plucked a highlighter from his pen holder. “I’m fine with that, I’ll have Ikejiri follow up immediately.” Daichi drew his arm pack and beamed the highlighter at Koushi. He frowned when it stopped an inch from his chest, suspended in the air.

Koushi grabbed the highlighter and studied it for a moment before getting up and heading for the door. Daichi’s eyebrows raised as it usually took a lot more for Koushi to leave, but Koushi  _ wasn’t  _ leaving. He should have known. Koushi locked the door and turned back toward Daichi, his eyes the lightest shade of brown as he walked toward the dark-haired man.

Daichi scowled as Koushi immediately moved to straddle him, ignoring his silent pleas. 

“Okay Sawamura, let me know if you need anything else, alright?”

“Yes, sir. I will.”

Koushi unbuckled Daichi’s belt and unbuttoned his slacks.

“Oh! Actually Sawamura, while I have you, that doctor mentioned he’d like to transfer to your department. Apparently he’s a renowned hematologist and I had to fight to get him. His name is- where is it…” 

The sounds of shuffling papers filled the room as Koushi reached inside of Daichi’s pants, wrapping his hand around his rock hard length. He smirked against Daichi’s neck, always enjoying how he responded to his teasing. He ran his tongue just above Daichi’s collar.

“Dr. Tetsurou Kuroo! He will be joining your team next week.”

“S-sounds good, sir. Thank you.” Daichi responded distractedly as he screwed his eyes shut.

Koushi gripped him a little harder, pumping slowly despite the awkward angle. 

“Talk to you soon, Sawamura!”

“You too, bye!” Daichi ended the call without hearing exactly what his superior had said. He leaned back in his leather office chair and peered at Koushi’s seemingly innocent face. “You’re a fucking menace, do you know that?”

“I do, Daichi. Now,” Koushi leaned forward, running his thumb over the slit of Daichi’s cock, rubbing the precum that had accumulated there so easily. “How about you fuck me over this desk?”

Daichi grunted in response as he easily lifted the lighter man and planted his ass on the desk. 

Tobio sat in the kitchen eating an apple. He had stopped for a moment to study the piece of fruit. Was he even hungry? Did he even get hungry? Did he need to eat? He was mostly just tired all the time. He had half a mind to insist Oikawa and Iwaizumi get him a TV or stereo or  _ something _ to put in his bedroom so he didn’t have to hear them fuck every night. At least Sawamura and Sugawara were quiet about it. 

Shouyou entered the kitchen with a stack of cups. He placed them in the sink. “Sir Oikawa is so messy! He uses a cup each time he drinks something different.”

“ _ Sir _ Oikawa? Goodness.  _ Why _ ?” Tobio asked with a grimace.

“He treats me really nicely! He’s a nice guy! Sir Iwaizumi is too! And Sir Koushi! Daichi said I must only call him Daichi.”

“Yeah, that’s because Koushi calls him ‘sir’ in bed.” Tobio remarked offhandedly.

Shouyou’s face changed color and he left the room, mumbling about Tobio’s inappropriate words.

“I’m  _ booooooooored _ .” Tooru whined as he swung his feet around in the pool.

“We should just make our own sports team, like volleyball or something. Something that’s fun to watch.” Koushi suggested from inside the pool. He had his elbows propped up on the edge.

“We should get someone that can play music or something. Or do magic.” Tooru picked up his phone and started scrolling.

“Magic would be fun. Maybe a duo.”

“You know what I’ve always wanted? A singing head.”

“Oh, that sounds fun too. And portable.”

“Did you ever play  _ Lollipop Chainsaw _ ?” Tooru questioned.

“The Xbox game?”

“Yeah, remember Juliet had to save her boyfriend from the zombies so she cut off his head and they cast a spell on it so she could carry it around.”

“Wasn’t he part of some of her special moves too?” Koushi snorted, remembering the game.

“Yes!”

“Didn’t that game have an achievement you could get for looking up her skirt?” Shouyou interrupted.

Tooru turned to scowl at him. “I’m going to reboot you, short stuff. The thoughts roaming around your little head are  _ not _ ideal.”

“But it was an achievement.” Tobio input quietly.

Tooru traded glaring at Shouyou to glare at Tobio. Tobio set down freshly made juice at the poolside and wandered back into the house. Shouyou skipped along behind him.

“I am regretting those two. I am regretting them a lot.”

“Was it an achievement or not?”

“Yes it was an achievement, Kou, that isn’t the point!” Tooru screeched. 

Hajime and Daichi burst into laughter on the other side of the pool. Tooru spotted a water-logged football and threw it at them with a quick flick of his head. Tooru pushed his phone toward Koushi. “How about these two?”

“They’re cute. Young. What’s it with these young guys? You better not be trying to compensate for something, you are fucking timeless.” Koushi pointed out.

Tooru grinned at him and ran his fingers through his hair. “You are my very best friend and I love you.”

Koushi blew him a kiss and pushed the phone back. “What’s wrong with them?”

“Well the blonde one, honestly his attitude is just shit and I’d like to make him a body-less wonder just for that, but I am no longer that heartless due to my dear little shit of a boyfriend.” He glared at Hajime who was drunkenly hanging on Daichi’s shoulders. “I tagged him a while back though, both of them, they run a prostitution ring together. They mostly target freshly 18 with that ‘I’ll-call-you-daddy’ aesthetic but they’ve been known to drug their targets to get them to comply.”

Koushi wrinkled his nose. “Trashy.”

“Agreed. You wouldn’t think it looking at them but the darker-haired one runs the show. The blonde one does the dirty work. The other one bankrolls him though, he’s some kind of trust fund baby or something cliche like that.”

“When do you want to go get them?”

Tooru shrugged. “We can go tomorrow? The weather is too nice to skip sunbathing all day today.”

Koushi closed his eyes and pressed his cheek against the cool cement side of the pool. “Agreed.”

A wave of water formed by two pairs of hands interrupted their sunbathing immediately after. Needless to say, Daichi and Hajime both lost their swimming trunks not long after.

  
  


Hajime sat at his desk around midnight that night, filling out forms that he did get to earlier in the day because his hands were busy running along Tooru’s spine. He smiled fondly at the memory, not bothered in the slightest at the interruption. He again wasn’t bothered when there was a soft rapping on his door. It had been at least 5 or so days since Tooru last slept and it was evident in his face. He generally didn’t appear to be tired until the life got knocked out of his eyes all at once. He started wearing his glasses, his hair deflated a bit, and he walked around in sweatpants (something he was religiously  _ against _ . Sleep pants were okay but sweatpants...those were an abomination. Except when Hajime wore them, without boxers, now that was fine). 

Hajime put his computer to sleep after emailing the last document. He stretched his arms over his head and wordlessly wandered over to his boyfriend who was leaning against the doorframe, eyes fluttering shut. He cupped his cheek and started to speak but Tooru was already teleporting them into their bedroom. Hajime himself before flicking Tooru’s forehead.

“Don’t do that.” 

Tooru’s eyes were closing again already. Hajime sighed softly and steered him toward the bed. He laid down next to him and pulled Tooru’s warm body against his. Tooru turned to face him.

“Thank you, Hajime. Thank you.”

Tooru said it every time he was vulnerable under the promise of sleep.

  
  


In a similar situation, Daichi was glued to the bed with a very needy Koushi clinging to his side like a bigger baby Koala. Tooru usually went right to sleep, Koushi however became a succubus (minus the sex while sleeping part). He nuzzled against Daichi’s warm neck and wrapped his arm around his broad chest, his leg around Daichi’s thick thigh.

Daichi ran his fingers through Koushi’s soft hair, pressing soft kisses against his temple. Koushi only really enjoyed the softer side of things when he was sleepy. He whispered words of love and adoration until they both fell asleep soundly. 

  
  


Shouyou and Tobio found themselves in a staring contest in the room their elders had decided they were going to share. The room was big enough to have two full sized beds, plenty of space for each boy. However, neither wanted to admit they hated sleeping alone.

So they didn’t.

Koushi and Tooru each slept for 19 hours. They woke up feeling refreshed and sated. 

They decided to go together to grab the pair that they had their eyes on. 

“What’s the blondes name again?” Koushi asked, squinting in the dark.

“I’ve told you five times, Kou!” Tooru whined. “His name is- wait, fuck. Shit. I forgot. I wrote it somewhere-”

Koushi snorted. “And the other?”

Tooru whined again, clearly having forgotten.

An hour later, Tooru and Koushi were somehow on the wrong end of whatever their plans were that night as they were each tied to a chair, backs against each other.

“This was unexpected.” Tooru commented.

“Hey, do you think Dai would like this?”

“Like what? Being kidnapped?”

“No, no, no. The rope! I think he’d like it. Maybe you can tie me up while I’m naked and he can come home to me and-”

“Do you two ever shut the fuck up?” The blonde deadpanned, exasperation bleeding into his tone.

“Do you always interrupt?” Tooru snapped as he glared up at him. 

The blonde slapped Tooru. It was quick and sharp, echoing in the otherwise quiet room. 

Koushi stilled. Tooru hung his head and let out a laugh. 

“You’re going to deeply regret that.” Koushi muttered as he rolled his head back. “This was supposed to be a fun night and now you made him mad.”

“Not sure what he’s planning on doing seeing as he’s tied to a chair.” The blonde responded, eyeing the very secure and very tight knots.

Tooru licked the blood from his lip and glanced behind the blonde. “Is he planning on, I don’t know, speaking? Participating? Or does he just like to watch-” 

The blonde slapped Tooru again. “Jesus, shut the  _ fuck  _ up.”

“Alright. I’m done being nice.” Tooru yanked the ropes once and they broke easily as if they were made from ashes. Tooru stood and rubbed his jaw. He glared at the blonde. “That was so rude!”

Koushi rubbed his wrists and nodded in agreement. ‘I know he’s annoying but you don’t need to hit him.”

Tooru scowled at his best friend. “Koushi! You’re fucking rude too!”

“But I love you~” Koushi sang.

The blonde took a step back, toward the dark corner his boss was in. Tooru was hovering in front of the darker-haired before either of them realized what was happening. Tooru peered at the man mostly hidden by the darkness. His dark hair was more of a green than anything, not the black color Tooru originally assumed. He had a cute dusting of freckles across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. His eyes were a darker brown color.

“What was your name again?” Tooru asked, his voice silk.

“Tadashi.”

The blonde tried to move toward him but Koushi was already reprimanding him for hitting Tooru. The reprimanding came in the form of Koushi’s stern face (the kind that reminds someone of heavily disappointing their parents or having to tell their grandmother that they  _ didn’t _ like her cookies after all). Koushi started tying the blonde to the chair he had just escaped from.

“Ah!” Tooru squealed. He turned toward the blonde, giggling at the startled look on his face. “Your name is Kei! This one calls you Tsukki which I absolutely adore. I call my boyfriend Iwa-chan. You’ll meet him soon.”

Kei stuttered and tried to fight off Koushi, but one more stern look was all it took for his eyes to roll into the back of his head.

Tadashi kept his cool until that moment. He jerked forward but Tooru held him back with one hand. “I am thinking somebody should be apologizing to me for this-” He pointed at his bruised jaw.

Tadashi glanced anxiously from Tooru to Kei. “Is he- is he- please-”

“He isn’t dead, Tadashi, goodness, we aren’t that heartless! He’s just sleeping.” Tooru turned toward Koushi. “Are we ready?”

Koushi nodded, their eyes flashed, and they were back in their den.

Tadashi wobbled for a moment before bending at the waist and dry heaving. 

Tooru frowned at his reaction. “...Ew. Please don’t vomit on that carpet, it was a really good Target find!”

Tadashi gulped in breaths of air and stood, leaping forward toward Kei. Tooru stepped to the side and allowed the man to look over his...lover? Right hand man? Bodyguard? Tooru pondered their relationship until he noticed Tadashi was stroking Kei’s hand. Definitely a lover.

He clapped his hands together gleefully. “Let’s get started!”

It was only then that Tadashi noticed the room was covered in plastic. “What’s going on? What are you going to do?”

Koushi tilted his head slightly. He pointed at the large bulbs on the table behind him that looked like large snow globes. “We just wanted to try something. I’m pretty sure it’ll work. Have you ever seen  _ The Simpsons _ ? Or-or oh!  _ Santa Clarita Diet _ ? No? Did you ever play  _ Lollipop Chainsaw _ ?” Koushi let out a disgruntled noise. “Uncultured swine.” He made a machete appear in his hand and in two fierce swipes, decapitated both Tadashi and Kei. “Oh fuck-fuck-fuck, you already put the stuff on them right? Fuck! Fuck! Did I do it too early?”

If Tooru had not started the spell, Koushi had just produced two useless lifeless bodies.

Tooru snorted. “Of course I did. I know how you get sometimes.” He laughed louder and sprinkled powder on the necks and heads on the floor to stop the bleeding. 

They each picked up a head and placed them into the globes on the table. They were submerged in a liquid that had been blessed to keep the heads healthy. It also made it so they could talk inside of the globes. Tooru busied himself by straightening Tadashi’s hair as Koushi fixed Kei’s glasses.

“Do you think he will still need the glasses?” Koushi asked.

Tooru shugged. “His body wasn’t blind, his eyes were, so probably.”

“Oh, oh they’re waking up!” 

The heads of Tadashi and Kei blearily blinked back to life. Tadashi looked as confused as ever while Kei’s had his usual resting bitch face. He glared at Koushi and Tooru.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Kei? Kei? Is that you?” Tadashi asked, panic lacing his tone. “Kei!”

Kei sighed. “I’m here. What did they do?”

“I think- I think… are we dead?”

“If you were dead, would you be talking?” Tooru asked sweetly.

Koushi turned the heads around to face a mirror. Tadashi screamed and Kei’s mouth was set in a grim line of annoyance. He caught Tooru’s eyes in the mirror. “And our bodies?”

Tooru waved his hand vaguely. 

“We kept them in case we want to reattach you. Sometimes just having four of us for game night isn’t as fun as it would be with more people.” Koushi pouted as he remembered how slow games of Monopoly and Life were with their half a brain cell zombie-like servants.

“Are you guys comfortable there?” Tooru asked.

Tadashi had stopped screaming but Kei was still scowling.

“Okay, good talk! We have things to do so we will check on you later. You shouldn’t need any kind of sustenance or anything. Later!” Tooru continued with a wave. The older men ignored the protests as they shut off the light and went up the stairs. 

Koushi noticed something glowing and hugged Tooru from behind. “You added that weird glowing enchantment that isn’t useful for anything at all!” 

Tooru giggled and patted his hands. “Of course I did, you wanted it! They’re going to look super cool at night if we take them out by the pool.”

Tadashi and Kei glanced at each other in the mirror, accepting their fate.

Hajime and Daichi were being secretive.

They were coming home later than usual, after dinner had been finished for at least 2 hours and stuffed into a lonely never used microwave. Their excuses were that they were working late but Tooru didn’t believe them. Koushi didn’t care either way because Daichi was still fucking him into the mattress at night but Tooru and Hajime hadn’t had sex in at least three days. It wasn’t completely unusual but it wasn’t common either.

They were also spending a lot of time together in Hajime’s office that Tooru wasn’t allowed in (something about an incident where he came and accidentally made every single one of Hajime’s case files fly all around the room, some of them going out of the open window) but that wasn’t important. What was important was that Hajime was locking the door now. It wasn’t like Tooru couldn’t just walk through the wall but he didn’t  _ want _ to do that. 

He wanted Hajime to stop being secretive.

Tooru sat in the living room waiting for Hajime to come home one night. It was nearing 10 and Tooru was getting more and more annoyed as the clock ticked.

The door finally opened at 10:13 pm. Tooru caught Hajime’s eye as soon as he kicked his shoes off. At least Hajime looked guilty.

“Sorry I’m late, I just had to-”

“Finish some work?” Tooru finished dryly.

Hajime blinked then narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“What?” Tooru crossed his arms and stood.

“What is happening right now?”

“Are you going to your office?”

“I was planning to.” Hajime responded slowly, trying to gauge if that was the wrong answer or not. Based on the annoyed look that crossed Tooru’s face, it was most definitely the wrong answer. “Is something wrong, babe?”

Tooru sucked his teeth in response and bit back a whine. Hajime  _ knew _ he was useless against pet names. But he was going to hold his ground! He stood for a moment longer then walked toward Hajime’s office. “Come on, I’ll hang out with you in there.”

Hajime hesitated before rushing toward his office. “No, it’s fine- I’ll just be a minute-”

“It’s okay. I can wait.” Tooru answered defiantly. 

Hajime groaned internally and rubbed his face with one hand.

It was only then that Tooru noticed the box in his other hand. “What is that?”

Hajime nearly dropped it trying to hide it behind his back as if it wasn’t in plain sight throughout their entire conversation. “N-nothing! Nothing. It’s just- something.”

“Hajime.”

“Yes?”

“You know how good my hearing is.”

“Y-yes.”

“You know that I can hear you when you whisper about me to Daichi when you two are on the other side of the pool and are thinking of trying to dunk me underwater when you think I’m not paying you two any attention.”

“I suspected as much, yes.”

“Then I would hope you also suspect that I can hear something scratching and breathing inside of that box. What. Is. It.”

Tooru reached for the box and Hajime snatched it away. Tooru reached for it again and elbowed Hajime with all of his limb flailing. 

“GODDAMMIT, TOORU!” Hajime clutched his bleeding nose and pushed past his boyfriend who was clutching the unopened box to his chest. Tooru followed him closely to the bathroom and yelped when Hajime slammed the bathroom door in his face.

Tooru slumped against the wall and slipped down to the floor, biting his lip worriedly as he listened to Hajime grumble about how annoying he was. His eyes were wet with dots of crimson when Hajime finally came out of the bathroom, tissue shoved up his nostrils. He stomped past Tooru and went straight for their bedroom. Tooru scrambled to his feet.

“Wait- what about-”

“Oh fuck off. I’m fucking going to fucking sleep.” Hajime growled as he yanked his tie off.

“Iwa-chan-”

Hajime pulled his shirt off fast enough to pop off several buttons. Hajime was  _ pissed _ and although Tooru did feel guilty, he was also getting turned on. He shifted uncomfortably in the doorway. Hajime’s glare cut directly through him.

“Are you kidding me?” 

“You know I can’t help it!” Tooru whined, still clutching the box to his chest. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Hajime rolled his eyes and unbuckled his belt. “I don’t care.”

“Iwa- _ chaaaaaaaaaan _ ! Pleasepleaseplease!” Tooru’s whining increased in volume and desperation.

“Fuck. Off.” Hajime took his pants off, balled them up, and petulantly threw them at his boyfriend.

Tooru sniffled pathetically and looked down at the box. “It’s still breathing… I didn’t hurt it or anything. I’m sorry, Iwa-chan!”

Hajime rolled his eyes as he stomped over to the dresser and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. He glanced at Tooru out of the corner of his eyes, his resolve weakening (as it always did) at the sight of Tooru’s flushed face and tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He rolled his eyes again and growled. “Annoying fucking man. Just come with me. Fucking fuck-” Hajimed cursed like a sailor when he was angry, especially when he was angry with Tooru.

He stomped to his office and Tooru followed quietly behind. 

All the feelings of guilt rushed back at once after Hajime opened the door. Years and years and years of guilt from previous lives and previous experiences all piled up at once because as paranoid and suspicious that Tooru was, Hajime loved him that much more.

One of the first things Hajime discovered about Tooru was his ridiculous obsession with all things extraterrestrial. Whether it was reading X-Files fanfiction or discussing the merit of Prometheus and other new age Alien movies, Tooru was obsessed. Hajime also knew that Tooru had always wanted a pet. He needed something low maintenance, something that wouldn’t take too much attention because Tooru could be forgetful. It took almost a decade, several dead goldfish, a missing hamster, and almost all of Hajime’s patience, but he finally found the perfect pet for Tooru. He and Daichi spent a solid week building a custom terrarium for it in a 55 gallon tank. It was long and had plenty of space. It had the perfect substrate, the perfect amount of heat, the perfect little hiding places, and Hajime even tracked down a company that would deliver the food for the pet so Tooru really didn’t have to do anything other than feed it a few times a week. 

“What- what- what is that?” Tooru squatted in front of the terrarium, his wide brown eyes wandering over the beautiful set-up that Daichi helped Hajime with.

“A tank.”

“What- what- what goes in it?”

“Open the box.”

Tooru started biting his lip again and carefully opened the box he had been protecting with his life. Inside the box was a 6 inch tortoise that Tooru  _ recognized _ . He started tearing up again as he looked from Hajime to the tortoise and back to Hajime. “Is that-” Hajime nodded.

Tooru was wandering around a pet store a couple of years ago when he came upon the reptile section. He was enthralled by the lizards, iguanas, snakes (more a tiny bit scared of those, he had experienced a person that could control snakes before and it was  _ not _ pleasant), and finally the turtles. The turtles looked like little UFO’s with the bumps and curves of their shells. 

Tooru was staring at a little UFO. He didn’t know how Hajime knew, but of course he knew.

Tooru looked up at Hajime to thank him and was nearly blown back by the look on his face. “What?”

Hajime narrowed his eyes as he studied Tooru’s face. “Are you- is that-  _ what the fuck _ ?” 

Tooru’s hands self-consciously flew up to his face. He felt around for anything strange. His fingers came back wet. He glanced down and saw drops of red. “Woah.”

“Woah? Woah? WOAH? That’s what you- Tooru, you are crying  _ blood _ . And I am realizing that I don’t think I’ve seen you cry in almost 10 years. Holy fucking Gods.” Hajime started sputtering. He slowly took the tortoise from Tooru and placed it into its new home. He stared back at Tooru as Daichi and Koushi walked by the office.

“Kou! Koouuuu! Look!”

Daichi let out an inhuman noise, jumping at least half a foot, and Koushi simply gaped. 

“You cry  _ blood _ ?”

Tooru nodded happily. “I told you!”

“You told him? You knew?”

Tooru waved his hand and shook his head. “No, no, Hajime. I told Kou that if I  _ could _ cry I’d cry tears of blood.”

Koushi nodded fervently as Daichi started backstepping down the hall. “Yes, we were discussing your heinous taste in ties, I believe.” Koushi turned to glare at Hajime, making him freeze in the spot he was occupying near the large tank. “ _ By the way _ ...if you ever bring fucking Barefoot wine into this house, I will curse you with immortality then torture you for the rest of our lives.”

Hajime’s eyes widened and Tooru giggled. “Stop! You’re scaring Iwa-chan.”

Koushi turned to grab Daichi but Daichi was long gone.

Tooru turned back to the tank, moving closer to admire the UFO-like turtle walking toward a small bowl of greens. “You’ll remind me to feed him, right?” Hajime nodded. “Hello, Nostromo. Welcome to your new home.”

“Nostromo?”

“Yes, Iwa-chan. Mr. Nostromo.” Tooru grinned.

Shouyou and Tobio sat across from Kei and Tadashi, giggling at their predicament. Shouyou had been dusting their globes when Tobio brought him lunch and now they were sitting on the floor, cross-legged, eating rice bowls. 

“Do you guys do any tricks or something?” Shouyou asked, tilting his head slightly.

Kei sighed, long-suffering. “Get the fuck out.”

Tadashi sighed as well, softer and lighter. “Excuse Kei, he’s having a hard time adjusting.”

Kei gaped at him, unblinking. “I’m  _ having a hard time adjusti- _ what? Tadashi! We have no fucking bodies! They cut our heads off and shoved them into a fishbowl and reanimated us!”

Tadashi smiled softly. “Yes, but we have to move past that.”

“Move- move- what-” Kei was not understanding that concept. “You two-” He glanced between Shouyou and Tobio, who was yet to say a word. “Please kill me.”

Shouyou gasped. “I will not! That will make my masters sad.”

“Your  _ masters _ .” Kei repeated.

Shouyou nodded. “The angel Sugawara and his devil friend, Oikawa.”

Tobio snorted. Oikawa seemed to think Shouyou was his little angel, but he wasn’t aware of how the younger boy spoke of him when he wasn’t around. Tobio thought it was downright hilarious, Shouyou tend to be scared shitless when it came to the slightest hint of wrath from Oikawa, but Tobio didn’t really care because Mr. Iwaizumi seemed to have a soft spot for him. He still wasn’t sure why though but whatever got Oikawa off of his back whenever he over seasoned or slightly charred something too much was fine with Tobio.

Shouyou glared at Tobio. “Angel Sugawara is the one who told me that is their given name!”

“He lied to you, idiot.” Tobio laughed.

Shouyou’s face was covered in blush as he stood. He drew his leg back and kicked Tobio in the thigh, earning a yelp from the taller man. He ran back up the stairs. Kei was smirking when Tobio looked back at him. Tobio scoffed. 

“You are an actual dick in a jar, I don’t think you had room to smirk.” 

Tobio tuned out Kei’s insults and Tadashi’s soothing words as he went to find Shouyou.

Shouyou was alphabetizing Iwaizumi’s books for the third time that week. Tobio easily discovered that he did it when he was stressed. 

“Sho, what’s wrong?”

“Why are you always so rude.” It wasn’t a question because Shouyou knew Tobio wasn’t going to answer. “You’re always such a bag of dicks!”

Tobio had no response for that so he sat and watched Shouyou continue to organize and mumble to himself. He was mocking Tobio without needing Tobio to input anything into the very one-sided conversation. He simply nodded and sat back.

“Hey Sho, can I ask you something?”

Shouyou turned to glare at him but nodded slightly. “What?”

“What did you do? Why’d they bring you here?”

Shouyou shrugged. “I don’t really remember everything. I was on a couple of different antipsychotics and anti-tremors for a while but I didn’t like how they made me feel. I felt…foggy and tired and just - not here. And tired, I was always tired.”

“Why were you on meds?”

“Because I’m schizophrenic, Tobio.” Shouyou said it so nonchalantly- but it made sense because it was a part of his life.

“I killed people. A few of them. I didn’t even care. I was going to kill more but Sugawara took me.” Tobio stared at the wall as he explained.

Shouyou bit his lip as he remembered what he could from his own crimes. “Oikawa said he can help me. He said he can adjust my mind, lock certain things away that I don’t want to be there anymore.” He turned to stare at Tobio with wide glassy eyes. “Maybe he can for you too.”

“Maybe.” Tobio pushed the heels of his feet into the floor until they burned from the friction. “Maybe he shouldn’t.”

Shouyou contemplated that for a moment. “I think I’d feel better if he did. I’m going to ask him if he has made any progress. There are some things I’d like to forget.”

Tobio couldn’t help it. He stared at the small slip of Shouyou’s back that was exposed on his back as he leaned toward the bookshelf. “I can help you forget.”

Shouyou turned back toward him, slowly. 

He dove at Tobio.

  
  
  


Koushi, Tooru, Daichi, and Hajime all arrived home at the same time from their group date despite taking different cars. Daichi and Hajime drove like normal human beings. It had nothing to do with the fact that Koushi and Tooru were banned from ever driving again after an incident involving a telekinetic handjob and Koushi rear ending a stranger (not the good kind of rear ending).

Koushi and Tooru pushed the door open to the living room and froze.

Daichi and Hajime jumped into action, moving in front of their magical boyfriends to protect them from any kind of danger. Daichi’s eyes went wider than should be humanly possible and Hajime started gagging. Koushi giggled and Tooru started yelling. Loudly.

Tobio had Shouyou bent over the coffee table which was a feat in itself because Tobio was significantly taller than Shouyou but they were definitely...getting it.

“Oh no, don’t stop on account of us!” Koushi sang as the two ran toward their bedroom.

“SEPARATE ROOMS FROM NOW ON!” Tooru screeched down the hallway.

Hajime continued gagging and Daichi stayed silent, properly traumatized. 

After a thorough scolding (by Tooru to Tobio) and some nudging and winking (by Koushi to Shouyou), everyone settled down for the night. Hajime spent too long brushing his teeth in the bathroom and gargling minty mouthwash, trying to rid his body and soul of seeing someone that reminded him so much of his younger brother pounding someone he saw as the innocent little angel of the household. 

Hajime stumbled toward his bed and collapsed against it.

Tooru watched him, stifling back copious amounts of laughter, and gestured toward the bed. “Do you want to fuck? We can rid that image-”

“Absolutely not, do not finish that sentence.” Hajime grumbled into his pillow.

Tooru patted Hajime’s back and left him to his nightmares.

In another room, Daichi laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Koushi laid next to him, rubbing his chest slowly. 

“I understand why Hajime is traumatized but why are you?”

Daichi turned toward his boyfriend and glared. “Shouyou is a baby! I realize that they’re the same age but look at him!”

Koushi snorted out an awful laugh. “Have you ever spent any time with Shouyou?” Daichi shook his head. “I didn’t think so. The kid is a monster. I doubt Tobio started it.”

Daichi continued staring at the ceiling. “We are  _ not _ having sex tonight.”

Koushi frowned and left the room pouting, muttering something about not wanting to anyway.

Shouyou and Tobio were on opposite sides of the room, shoved in the separate corners. 

If Tobio wasn’t afraid of Tooru before, he was after the lectures.


End file.
